


Stuck With You

by forbiddenquill



Category: Faking It (TV 2014)
Genre: F/F, Karma realizing that she doesn't want to let go of Amy, Karma realizing that she might've fucked things up, TerrifiedoflosingAmy!Karma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-04 22:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1795819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forbiddenquill/pseuds/forbiddenquill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She’s terrified. Yes, that’s it. She’s terrified to lose Amy, terrified because she’s given her best friend a nudge into the right direction and now she’s facing the consequences of her decision. She’s terrified that Amy will leave her, find another girl to love and it hurts to think about it. In some twisted messed up way, she is jealous but it’s a small emotion compared to being fucking scared and terrified. She bites her lower lip when she realizes it. And she holds onto Amy’s hand as if it’s a lifeline.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to lose you,” she says.</p>
<p>Amy smiles but she’s retreating, backing a few inches away. Karma knows why. She said the same thing during the wedding, when Amy needed the same reassurance. And even though she’s probably hurting and angry and depressed, Amy says the same thing as well, </p>
<p>"You can never lose me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuck With You

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This was awesome to write. I was actually heading for Jealous!Karma but I guess it came out as TerrifiedtoloseAmy!Karma so yeah. Hope you enjoy!

“So,” Karma begins, chewing the top of her pen and bumping shoulders with Amy, “What’s your type?”

Amy nearly chokes on her drink. They’re in Karma’s bed, lying on their stomachs with their feet up in the air and books propped open in front of them. Karma is trying to study but the words dance in her eyes and she can’t stop glancing over at Amy, who’s drinking orange juice and flipping pages through her notebook. They’ve just gotten over the whole wedding/confession fiasco and even though Karma is still coming in terms with it, she knows that Amy is not okay. They’re acting like nothing is wrong but she can see the way Amy doesn’t look into her eyes and the way she shifts so that they’re not actually touching. Karma knows that Amy is hurting and she’s trying to give her time but she knows that pretending that nothing happened won’t do.

So she’s going to help her move on. Which might not be the best plan but Karma Ashcroft is never known for her best plans. She looks at Amy who is backing away until her back hits the headboard of the bed. She tries to look like she’s okay but her eyes are petrified, as if she’s a deer caught in headlights. Karma pushes herself using her hands until she’s sitting up and pouting at Amy.

“Uh, I don’t understand the question,” Amy answers, forcing out a laugh.

“Amy,” Karma says, reaching out to hold her best friend’s hand but Amy flinches. Karma pulls away, hurt filling her bones as she gets the words out, “You need to go out there! Explore your sexuality! Get some ass or something.” She knows that she’s not doing any good at all because she sees the pain on Amy’s face. How come she’s never noticed it before? When she’s kissing Liam and telling Amy all the gruesome details? How come she’s been so blind to her best friend’s feelings? It makes her sick to the stomach.

“I—I don’t know,” Amy admits and it’s obvious that she’s scared, scared of what might happen next. Karma knows a lot about Amy’s fears, knows that she fears the dark and that she fears that her mother’s not going to love her and that she might not know what to do in life but there’s this other fear that’s been recently eating her up in the inside and Karma knows it because she feels exactly the same way. Amy’s biggest fear has always been losing Karma and Karma’s biggest fear has always been losing Amy.

“I’ll hold your hand the entire time,” Karma tells her, biting her lower lip.

“I don’t want to,” Amy says, not meeting her eye, “I tried. I really did, with Shane who’s a fucking expert in all of this but I’m socially awkward and I—I never felt anything for anybody.”

Karma’s mouth is dry when she says, “Maybe today will be different.”

Amy looks up at her and it tears right through Karma’s heart when she sees the hopeless and desperate look she has on her face.

“Come on,” Karma says, sliding off the bed and trying to smile, “I’ll make you look presentable.”

.

The gay bar is loud and overcrowded. Karma has to squeeze through multiple bodies, tightening her grip on Amy’s hand so that they don’t get separated. She can smell the alcohol on everybody’s breath and it makes her head swim. She has never been a drinker; her mother drilled into her head that she should only drink organic tea so that her body would be well refreshed and Amy has applauded on the decision to never get drunk in a party. And now, she’s surrounded by people who are heavily drinking it. She can see girls making out and boys touching boys. It makes her feel uncomfortable to see all the PDA. It’s like high school without the fun of it.

She and Amy reach the counter. Amy says hi to the bartender and the bartender (his name card reads Carl) returns the gesture. _He’s cute_ , Karma think, eyeing him down. Amy notices and shakes her head, even though her eyes are full of pain.

“He’s gay,” she whispers, “It’s a no-no.”

“I know,” Karma says, shrugging and silently hating herself for openly checking out gays when her best friend (who is most definitely in love with her) is sitting right there. Her dark green eyes sweep across the room, taking in the group of gays and lesbians who are hitting on their types. She wonders which ones will make Amy cave in and accept her sexuality. She despises the part of her who wants Amy to be straight, the part of her that wants everything to go back to normal, to forget about the past few weeks. She glances over at Amy, sees her checking out the ground and nudges her playfully.

“Come on,” Karma says encouragingly, “Go out there. I’ll be right here watching you. If you think someone’s going to rape you, just shoot me a look.”

Amy glances at her, green eyes miserable. Karma knows that she’s probably adding more salt into the wound but she doesn’t know what else to do. All her life, the one thing she’s been good at has always been Amy Raundefeld’s best friend and she’d be damned if she stops right now, when Amy needs her the most, when Amy doesn’t know what to do. She tries to smile and for once, succeeds because Amy actually smiles back.

“Wish me luck,” she says.

Karma laughs. “Trust me, you won’t need it.”

The surprise on Amy’s face passes quickly as it comes but Karma sees it anyway. Ever since Amy confessed, she’s been seeing a lot of her best friend recently. It makes her wonder about the things that she doesn’t understand.

Amy walks off to try and mingle. Karma asks for a margarita, telling herself that she’ll only drink once. She has a feeling that she’ll need it tonight. She drinks through pursed lips when she sees Amy approach a girl with short dark hair streaked in blue highlights and a nose ring. They seem to know each other. Amy waves awkwardly and the other girl is cautious and wary but seems to loosen up as they get into the conversation. Karma smiles to herself, even though she feels a slight pain in her chest. She wonders what the girl’s name is. She has a feeling it’s either Naomi or Lily. When she decides to ask Amy later, she feels someone tapping her shoulder.

She realizes that it’s Carl when she turns around. He smiles crookedly.

“You’re a baby dyke, aren’t you?” he asks.

She shakes her head way too fast. “Oh no, I’m just watching over my friend.”

Carl tilts his face to one side, looking confused. “Amy? I thought she was your girlfriend.”

Back then, Karma would’ve happily told Carl the entire story, in hopes of catching his attention but she’s suddenly exhausted and her shoulders slump as she leans against the counter. She realizes with a painful ache that she doesn’t want to talk about the last few weeks, about the moment where she realizes that she hurt Amy. A bartender in a gay club shouldn’t hear it. It’s her story. It’s Amy story. It’s _their_ story.

“It’s a long story,” she tells him instead.

Carl laughs. “I know most of it,” he tells her, “Few weeks ago, a baby lesbian and a gay guy walk into this place and talks about their _situation_. And it might help if they keep their voices down so I end up hearing everything. Perks of being a bartender, I guess.”

“ _Everything_?” Karma repeats, glancing over at Amy and thinking about what she might’ve said.

“Yeah, Amy told Shane that she was pretty confused about everything between her and this other girl, also kept saying that she was uncomfortable in here. And, I heard that she only felt the spark when she kissed her. And I have a pretty good guess on who this girl is.” He winks at her. “So, you must be the infamous Karma Ashcroft.”

Karma blushes. She puts down her glass and swerves around to face him. “Okay, what else did she say? Did she say anything about me? Any details for her feelings?”

Carl laughs. “Oh, she doesn’t have to say anything,” he tells her with a twinkle in his eyes, “I can see it in the way she looks at you. Tell me, you didn’t feel the same?”

Karma suddenly feels small. She looks down at her hands and feels the tears prickling the back of her eyes. Her chest hurts, as if someone is squeezing her heart with a cold fist. She nods. “Yeah, something like that.”

“Never fall for a straight girl,” Carl mumbles, sighing. “That’s what I always say.”

Karma grits her teeth. “I never meant for any of that to happen.”

“I know,” Carl says, patting her hand. “I know.”

Karma turns around and sees that Amy has already moved on to another target. She’s talking to an incredibly hot and older brunette girl with curves and long legs. She reminds Karma of Soleil and the thought makes her blood boil. This other girl, though, seems very friendly and touchy-feely. In the short time that Karma’s watched, she’s already touched Amy three time already. One in the shoulder, twice on the arm. Karma is suddenly overwhelmed with the pain of watching her best friend flirt with somebody else and Amy’s not much of a flirter. She laughs forcefully and her body is tense, as if she’s expecting an attack. Karma laughs softly to herself. _Oh, Amy,_ she thinks fondly, _you’re cute._

The other girl suddenly leans forward and pecks Amy on the cheek. Karma stiffens, watches as Amy grins a lopsided grin as she accepts a slip of paper the other girl hands her. The world suddenly stops. Amy has never looked so giddy before; it’s like looking at a child who’s gotten a price for doing something she didn’t like doing. Karma can’t breathe properly; her throat seems tight.

All of a sudden, she’s looking at Amy as if it’s for the first time. All her life, she’s always thought of Amy as her best friend, her better half but right now, in this moment, when she’s surrounded by people in a gay bar, she starts to realize that Amy is a whole person, that she’s someone who can move on from Karma and do things on her own. If Amy can get a girl’s number then surely, she can do other things. She can go to college in Japan. She can go on and make something of herself. For the first time in a really long time, Karma feels as if she’s going to be left behind. She’s suddenly gripped with the fear of losing Amy, but not because of fighting and never talking again but in a way where they drift apart and meet in line in a grocery store and say polite hello’s and pretend like they didn’t once know everything there was to know about each other.

Karma shakes her head, despairing silently. She watches when another girl approaches Amy. They smile at each other and Karma feels like she’s underwater, desperately trying to get to the surface but drowning still the same. She realizes that she’s holding back in tears. Carl calls her name but she puts down her glass and forces her way through the crowd, wanting to get some air back into her lungs. She knows that Amy will follow soon enough, when the other girl sees that she’s no longer there and Karma _wants_ her to.

When she gets outside, the air is cool against her face, freezing her tears. She leans against the wall, trying to catch her breath and breathing heavily. Her fingers shake. She doesn’t fully understand why she’s crying. It’s not like she’s jealous. When you’re jealous, you’re angry but she’s not angry. Well, maybe she is a little bit. She’s angry at herself. She thinks back to the girls who’ve talked to Amy, all casual and sweet smiles and hidden intentions. She wonders why she’s crying _now_ when everything was okay two hours ago. She was composed and calm and now she’s a sobbing mess.

She doesn’t know how long she stands there, just breathing but she knows it’s not that long because when the door opens and Amy stands next to her, not saying anything, she feels like the wait is worthwhile.

“D’you mind telling me why you walked out all of a sudden?” Amy finally has to ask. They bump shoulders. For once, Amy doesn’t flinch away or slink into the back. Karma looks at her, smiling slightly.

“I don’t know,” Karma admits, drying her tears.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous,” Amy says and her tone makes it as a joke but Karma can see the pain in her eyes. “Not now, when I’m getting so much bitches.”

Karma laughs but it’s a dry sound. Amy finds her hand and even though her fingers are shaking, she still holds on. There’s a hushed silence between them both. The pain in Karma’s chest loosens. She’s breathing okay now.

“Karma?” Amy says, her voice trembling slightly.

“I don’t know,” Karma repeats and she truly doesn’t. She doesn’t know why she cried when she saw Amy being with other people. She doesn’t know why it hurt to see her being so happy. She’s not jealous, she’s sure of it. She looks up at Amy, not knowing what to say and when Amy looks back with earnest green eyes and comforting smile, she suddenly realizes the reason.

She’s _terrified_. Yes, that’s it. She’s terrified to lose Amy, terrified because she’s given her best friend a nudge into the right direction and now she’s facing the consequences of her decision. She’s terrified that Amy will leave her, find another girl to love and it hurts to think about it. In some twisted messed up way, she _is_ jealous but it’s a small emotion compared to being fucking scared and terrified. She bites her lower lip when she realizes it. And she holds onto Amy’s hand as if it’s a lifeline.

“I don’t want to lose you,” she says.

Amy smiles but she’s retreating, backing a few inches away. Karma knows why. She said the same thing during the wedding, when Amy needed the same reassurance. And even though she’s probably hurting and angry and depressed, Amy says the same thing as well,

“You can never lose me.”

Karma sighs and sniffles. “You don’t get it,” she has to say, “I never want you out of my sight. I know. I know. It’s confusing. And I’m trying to speak from the heart so shut up and hear me out, okay? When I was in there, watching you flirt with girls and get their numbers and smile at them, probably thinking that yes, you’re finally going to get over me and you’re finally not going to be confused and hurting anymore, well, it kind of hurt.” She frowned at Amy’s anxious look. “And it made me realize that you and I aren’t attached to the hip anymore. Made me think that you and I have been stuck in the same lease for a while and now that you’re finally free, it’s like I’m being left behind. Like the time Zen went to college. And I don’t want that. I want you here. I want you by my side. I want you and me to be in the same lease. I don’t want you to be free. _And I don’t want to lose you_.”

Amy is looking at her with glazed eyes and parted lips. Karma suddenly feels frustrated. She has this insane desire running through her veins and when Amy doesn’t move and just stands there, staring at her, she bites back a growl and grabs her face. She kisses her, breathes into her, exhales all the pain and frustration that’s been building in the inside ever since they went inside this stupid gay bar. Amy inhales sharply, willingly and there’s still a hint of hesitation but slowly, Amy kisses her back, softly and lightly, as if Karma is something fragile, a masterpiece about to break and Karma’s heart is pounding heavily inside her chest, a dull ache that pushes away all the pain. Her shoulders relaxes and Amy puts her hands on her waist, pulling her close and smiling—yes, it’s been a while since Amy smiled at her in her own account—and Karma is fucking relieved.

When they pull away, Amy’s cheeks are flushed red. She steps back and takes a deep breath. Karma needs a moment as well. She’s breathing hard, as if she’s been running for miles.

“Whoa,” Karma says, because it seems to be the most appropriate thing to say.

“I know,” Amy immediately says, smiling.

Karma laces their fingers together. Amy squeezes, looking at her with those green eyes that Karma has known for the rest of her life.

“I don’t want to be free,” Amy says matter-of-factly, “I want to be stuck with you for the rest of my life.”

When Karma smiles, it lifts off the weight off her shoulders.

“Ditto,” she says and kisses Amy once more.


End file.
